My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize