Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
