just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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