It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize