omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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