guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
