hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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