I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
