before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
