After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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