Umm I'm too high to move.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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