dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
