Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
