What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
