"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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