Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
