I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
