what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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