if only i could text you this smell
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
