I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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