He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
