my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
