Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
