i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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