I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
