Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
