I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
