new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
