: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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