I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
