Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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