i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
