Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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