I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize