I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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