Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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