i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
