I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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