he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
