is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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