I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
