dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
