I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
