Don't you send me to vm
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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