The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
