i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
