I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize