areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
