Can i not drive my cunt home
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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