two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Shame - the story of my life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
