Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
