I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
