See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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