Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
