I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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