she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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