Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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