We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
