hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
