If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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