god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
