just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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